did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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