he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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