i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
