i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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