Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
