I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
