Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
