I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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