tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
