There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
