I got chris browned last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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