But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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