I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
