you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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