I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize