This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
