Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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