i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
