OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
