just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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