There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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