i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
