Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
