So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
