Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
