Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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