Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
