I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
