im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
