I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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