I am spending my child support on dildos
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
