i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
