were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
