watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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