70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
