I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
