I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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