I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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