In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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