I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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