Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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