New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
