Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
