so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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