Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
