I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
