Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
