I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
