oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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