Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
