matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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