Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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