I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
