worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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