New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
